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Jim: That My dear is why GOD invented Earbuds!!!
ME: And God said.. "Let there be earbuds!" And they appeared. And after God created the iPod, he looked and saw the earbuds were good, and heaven rejoiced.
Jim Winter-Card: Then God placed music within the iPod and the people danced and rejoiced more, then they prayed for the mighty USB charger cord because the iPod ran out of battery!
Angela Wells: And Jesus said, "Dad, we need to give the people a way to access music." God thought and said... "AHA! We shall create Dell!" Jesus shook his head and said, "Dad.. Dell is of the devil." God thought for a moment and created the Mac." Jesus still looked worried, and God asked his son what was bothering him. "Well dad, I'm not trying to be a pain in the heiney, but Macs... they are for pussies!" God pointed his finger at Jesus and thundered.."WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Jesus said, "I know Dad, but look at them. What we need is something that looks sweet, runs sweet, and has the potential to be a tool to hack into government systems if Anonymous gets a hold of it." God pondered his son's observation. And God said..."Let there be Alienware!" Jesus looked at the light up keyboard and the slick design, speed and logo and said..."Dang Dad! That is awesome." God smiled and said, "Well son, why don't you add something?" Jesus smiled and piratebay was born.
Jim Winter-Card: The heavens opened and Peer 2 Peer was brought forth, the people clicked and commented, as it was a good thing. Files were shared and torrents created, cracks and serials were flowing everywhere among the people and they were fruitful and the sharing multiplied. Movies, music and software abounded everywhere and the people rejoiced at the bounty shared with them.
Angela Wells: But God saw that people started using his creation for bad. "Son! Get in here!" Jesus sat down with his dad and watched in horror as people were sharing everything from Justin Bieber pictures to furry pR0n. "Oh no dad! I did not mean for this to happen!" God said, "do not trouble yourself son. I have the perfect way to rid our systems of the devil. Some time passed and God was admiring his plan when Jesus busted into the room panicking! "DAD!! IT'S HORRIBLE!! LOOK WHAT THE DEVIL DID!" God looked and became angered to see the devil try to shut down his perfect creation with some abbreviated crap like SOPA. "Son! Rally the troops! Tonight WE WILL BRING THE FIGHT TO THEM! WE WILL SEND HIM AND HIS CRAP POLICY BACK TO HELL!" 300 troops shouted in unison, and the war began.
Jim Winter-Card: The 300 found a VPN tunnel where they would make their stand, The Devil tried to confuse the 300 as SOPA morphed into CISPA, it tried to bypass the security of the VPN by piggy backing on files and looking like a DLL. But the 300 were diligent and stood there ground. The Recycle Bin filled with discarded files as The Devil tried again and again, but the 300 were strong and the encryption of the VPN held fast.
Angela Wells: Meanwhile in heaven, Jesus wondered what God's plan was. He asked J. Edgar Hoover for help in investigating this plan. Jesus and Hoover uncovered God's plan and realized this was the key to bringing this whole war to an end. After sitting down with Steve Jobs, Jesus and Hoover unleashed the Apocalyptic 2012 virus. And those that had abused God's plan of peer 2 peer and Jesus' invention of Pirate Bay suddenly found that their computers had a mysterious timer. The 300 troops saw what was happening and retreated back to Heaven. When December came up, God threw his annual Christmas party to celebrate the birth of his Son. And while heaven partied with their infinite playlists of bad 80's music and 90's nonsensical grunge, those who had abused God's plan found that the timer on their computers hit 0 and...
Jim Winter-Card: the only available links to them was a Barney video on Youtube, a Pinterest on to How to make Eco-Friendly Cleaners and an MP3 download link for Milli Vanilli's Blame it on the Rain. The abusers recoiled at the wrath they had invoked from god and they begged and prayed for release from behind the VPN firewall that controlled their access. God was busy at the Christmas party and did not hear them, the 300 were enjoying the kegger and playing Beer Pong, they heard nothing also. Jesus sat in the corner listening to his iPod and all the new iTunes he had just downloaded, he giggled as he listened to Scars on 45 and M. Ward. The abusers suffered and wanted to repent from the vast sins they had committed, but no one listened to their prayers...
Angela Wells: Eventually the whining in hell became so loud, a meeting was called to see what could be done. Building walls was suggested, but God said that this would create confusion and possible illegal entry into Heaven. Talk surfaced of padded rooms, but hell was too hot and the rooms would simply catch on fire. A hand rose in the back of the room and God said, "Speaketh out Einstein! What is on your mind?" Einstein stood up and said, "I don't mean to make anyone look stupid, but the solution to the extremely loud whining is actually very simple." Jesus was intrigued. The man sitting next to Einstein stood up and held a remote. God saw this and said, "State your name and your idea." The man said, "My name is Eugene Polley. And this is the solution." He hit the only button on the remote and suddenly hell was silenced. People in heaven started cheering. Jesus looked at the remote and then at the guy. "So that's why Zenith liked you. All for the mute button." Polley smiled and handed the remote to God. Heaven rejoiced.
And now you all know. :P
ME: And God said.. "Let there be earbuds!" And they appeared. And after God created the iPod, he looked and saw the earbuds were good, and heaven rejoiced.
Jim Winter-Card: Then God placed music within the iPod and the people danced and rejoiced more, then they prayed for the mighty USB charger cord because the iPod ran out of battery!
Angela Wells: And Jesus said, "Dad, we need to give the people a way to access music." God thought and said... "AHA! We shall create Dell!" Jesus shook his head and said, "Dad.. Dell is of the devil." God thought for a moment and created the Mac." Jesus still looked worried, and God asked his son what was bothering him. "Well dad, I'm not trying to be a pain in the heiney, but Macs... they are for pussies!" God pointed his finger at Jesus and thundered.."WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Jesus said, "I know Dad, but look at them. What we need is something that looks sweet, runs sweet, and has the potential to be a tool to hack into government systems if Anonymous gets a hold of it." God pondered his son's observation. And God said..."Let there be Alienware!" Jesus looked at the light up keyboard and the slick design, speed and logo and said..."Dang Dad! That is awesome." God smiled and said, "Well son, why don't you add something?" Jesus smiled and piratebay was born.
Jim Winter-Card: The heavens opened and Peer 2 Peer was brought forth, the people clicked and commented, as it was a good thing. Files were shared and torrents created, cracks and serials were flowing everywhere among the people and they were fruitful and the sharing multiplied. Movies, music and software abounded everywhere and the people rejoiced at the bounty shared with them.
Angela Wells: But God saw that people started using his creation for bad. "Son! Get in here!" Jesus sat down with his dad and watched in horror as people were sharing everything from Justin Bieber pictures to furry pR0n. "Oh no dad! I did not mean for this to happen!" God said, "do not trouble yourself son. I have the perfect way to rid our systems of the devil. Some time passed and God was admiring his plan when Jesus busted into the room panicking! "DAD!! IT'S HORRIBLE!! LOOK WHAT THE DEVIL DID!" God looked and became angered to see the devil try to shut down his perfect creation with some abbreviated crap like SOPA. "Son! Rally the troops! Tonight WE WILL BRING THE FIGHT TO THEM! WE WILL SEND HIM AND HIS CRAP POLICY BACK TO HELL!" 300 troops shouted in unison, and the war began.
Jim Winter-Card: The 300 found a VPN tunnel where they would make their stand, The Devil tried to confuse the 300 as SOPA morphed into CISPA, it tried to bypass the security of the VPN by piggy backing on files and looking like a DLL. But the 300 were diligent and stood there ground. The Recycle Bin filled with discarded files as The Devil tried again and again, but the 300 were strong and the encryption of the VPN held fast.
Angela Wells: Meanwhile in heaven, Jesus wondered what God's plan was. He asked J. Edgar Hoover for help in investigating this plan. Jesus and Hoover uncovered God's plan and realized this was the key to bringing this whole war to an end. After sitting down with Steve Jobs, Jesus and Hoover unleashed the Apocalyptic 2012 virus. And those that had abused God's plan of peer 2 peer and Jesus' invention of Pirate Bay suddenly found that their computers had a mysterious timer. The 300 troops saw what was happening and retreated back to Heaven. When December came up, God threw his annual Christmas party to celebrate the birth of his Son. And while heaven partied with their infinite playlists of bad 80's music and 90's nonsensical grunge, those who had abused God's plan found that the timer on their computers hit 0 and...
Jim Winter-Card: the only available links to them was a Barney video on Youtube, a Pinterest on to How to make Eco-Friendly Cleaners and an MP3 download link for Milli Vanilli's Blame it on the Rain. The abusers recoiled at the wrath they had invoked from god and they begged and prayed for release from behind the VPN firewall that controlled their access. God was busy at the Christmas party and did not hear them, the 300 were enjoying the kegger and playing Beer Pong, they heard nothing also. Jesus sat in the corner listening to his iPod and all the new iTunes he had just downloaded, he giggled as he listened to Scars on 45 and M. Ward. The abusers suffered and wanted to repent from the vast sins they had committed, but no one listened to their prayers...
Angela Wells: Eventually the whining in hell became so loud, a meeting was called to see what could be done. Building walls was suggested, but God said that this would create confusion and possible illegal entry into Heaven. Talk surfaced of padded rooms, but hell was too hot and the rooms would simply catch on fire. A hand rose in the back of the room and God said, "Speaketh out Einstein! What is on your mind?" Einstein stood up and said, "I don't mean to make anyone look stupid, but the solution to the extremely loud whining is actually very simple." Jesus was intrigued. The man sitting next to Einstein stood up and held a remote. God saw this and said, "State your name and your idea." The man said, "My name is Eugene Polley. And this is the solution." He hit the only button on the remote and suddenly hell was silenced. People in heaven started cheering. Jesus looked at the remote and then at the guy. "So that's why Zenith liked you. All for the mute button." Polley smiled and handed the remote to God. Heaven rejoiced.
And now you all know. :P
